Reasons I would be that one YA fantasy protagonist who dies in the first 30 pages // Because I have no survival skills whatsoever!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Welcome, to my book blog!! I am Aline. I like food. A lot.

Do you know what YA fantasy protagonists often lack? FOOD. (And a ton of other things, but FOOOOOOOD)

I could just end this post right there, because me? Accomplishing anything without food? AS IF.

Fantasy protagonists always go above and beyond in their survival skills (which does makes sense in certain circumstances due to how they were raised, but that’s not the point!) and it just makes me laugh at my incompetence seeing these 16-17-18* year olds accomplish so much under such horrible conditions–and me just… not. 😂

Which is why I thought it would be fun to compare the skills of those YA fantasy protagonists which allow or help them survive with my lack thereof!!

Hence why I would most certainly fail in a fantasy book!!

LET’S ROAST… ME.

*Not getting into the whole YA protagonists acting way older than teenagers, especially in fantasy but ,,,,

Having the physical strength to TRAVEL SO MUCH (and fight.)

GUYS I’M WEAK. A month long of hiking, of walking dangerous paths, of traveling and traveling and traveling, with minimal food, supplies and rest…………. I wouldn’t last very long???

Having good hand-eye-foot coordination to fight

Some characters were trained from birth, others just seem to have this ability to just pick it up super easily, but me? I HAVE TWO LEFT FEET, and will most certainly trip over my own feet and throw things in the complete opposite direction (unintentionally) during a fight, okay.

I would be lucky to not end up accidentally murdering my ally

Remembering important prophecies after hearing them once

I forget my friend said HI 5 minutes ago, and here we have 15-lined prophecies full of riddles and fancy language being memorized in a couple of minutes? GIRL, BYE. (Also give me your skills for my next exam holy crap)

(Not gonna lie, this was 100% inspired by my read of the third book in the An Ember in the Ashes series lmao but this has happened SO OFTEN!!)

Spying on sketchy people/villains and discovering crucial information without getting caught

Okay, so none of you have been around me in real life but I AM THE LEAST STEALTHY PERSON EVER. If I tried to spy on you, YOU WOULD KNOW. And I would die!! (If you were the evil, murdering type. You know. Which you would be in a fantasy novel)

SO MANY TIMES the lives of fantasy characters are saved or plot is moved forwards by characters spying on evil people and hearing them reveal some sort of their plan or some secret of theirs!! I get this, narratively, but I have two questions:

A) HOW do you manage not to be heard?? (squeaky floorboards?? Breathing??? Trying to stealth-walk and still being super loud?? HELLO ARE YOU A GHOST)

B) How do you hear everything so freaking clearly??? MY HEARING SKILLS ARE… NOT GOOD. The villain could be talking all about their plans to have the princess as bait and I could hear that they want cake. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (IT COULD BE TRUE OK.)

Accidentally stumbling on important revelations

La la la, here I am, minding my own business AND WOW LOOK HERE IS MY ENEMY MONOLOGUING TO HIMSELF HOW NICE.

The plot is saved! I can go report to my rebel group and save everyone! Because of my excellent ability to ,,, sense an evil monologue? My ability to walk around at the right time?

Though, to be fair, if the evil villain were monologuing in the middle of the night and I was hungry and went to get food and had no intention of being a sneaky spy…. relate. Because of course the most use I would have is when I didn’t plan on doing anything sjhadjahdjh.

Frankly, I am just not quite as bloodthirsty or honourable to succeed.

All these characters have lost something or someone, or want something so badly they’re willing to sacrifice everything to get it. They have killed, or they will kill, to ensure it.

Me? I’m just your simple bookworm just looking to not die under my enormous TBR and willing to sacrifice a few souls for an immortality potion, no biggie. No similarities here. 😉

But, I do admire the passion YA characters have for their cause! Whether it be for their people, or their family or friends, or world domination or being filthy rich,,,, you do you, ya know?

I would just lose motivation the second I run out of food. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Pain + torture tolerance?? don’t know her

I AM A WEAKLING. I do not like pain (well, who does) and I will break wayyyyy too easily under torture, so y’all, I would not fare well in keeping my mouth shut I’M SORRY.

But maybe in terms of survival that would actually be an asset???

Who am I kidding, they’d probably torture me, get the answers, and then kill me for good measure cause they can. Whelp.

God, being a fantasy protagonist is STRESSFUL and so much work ajddhjshajsdhajhd let’s NOT.

Soooo, I’m not going to pretend here I have any of the skills and characters of the traditional YA fantasy protagonist?? If I don’t die from my lack of skills, *maybe* I could live through my strong sense of self-preservation–> that is, I run and flee and never do anything heroic ever. Oops.

See that’s why it’s a good thing I am NOT a fantasy protagonist lmao 😅

And let’s be real, as much as I would like to imagine otherwise, I would not have a Wren (Girls of Paper & Fire) or an Elias Veturius (An Ember in the Ashes) or a ANY fantasy warrior by my side either smh. 😭 I WOULD NEVER WIN WHY.

How would you fare in a fantasy world?? 😂 What are some other skills YA fantasy characters have that you may not have? (Or what are some hidden talents YOU have that most characters don’t?? 👀)

34 thoughts on “Reasons I would be that one YA fantasy protagonist who dies in the first 30 pages // Because I have no survival skills whatsoever!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  1. This post was so much fun to read 😂 I would also not last very long as a fantasy protag – I don’t know how these so-called “normal” teens just become tough all of a sudden! (I mean, who knows what would really happen if I were put in that kind of dire life-or-death situation. Though I’d probably just die.)
    The part about remembering prophecies and important info is SO TRUE. I can totally imagine myself being like “oh crap can you repeat that so I can write it down? I already forgot the first two lines.” It wouldn’t work out too well.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. OhMYgoSH! One time we went on a school trip & did archery & the first shot I hit a bullseye & it was great (wow – so many &s) but then EVERY TIME AFTER THAT I JUST FAILED and it was so so so embarrassing because it was like team thing 😳 ugh, I’m just not Katniss Everdeen 😑

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I always wonder about this! Like, how far will adrenaline get you in situations that you have zero training for? Let alone skill! I’d be lost without an inhaler so anything requiring physical activity would be problematic. And I’m always so skeptical when secret plans easily fall into the MC’s lap. It’s just so unlikely!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is amazing! I relate so much.😂I stand by the fact that if I were in the Hunger Games, I’d die at the Cornucopia?? When I read about fantasy characters I’m usually curled under a bunch of blankets in my room, and I think it’s an accurate representation of how many survival skills I have, lol. If were to be a book character I think I’d be somewhere around Lara Jean Covey?? Haha, wonderful post! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I would not fare well AT ALL. I thought I wouldn’t survive , but the points you listed in this post just convinced me even more. And I feel you so much about the memorizing prophecies thing!! I really feel like authors give their characters special memory because it would be super inconvenient if the character couldn’t remember some ancient prophecy about them 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am with you I couldn’t be a YA fantasy protagonist— I mean limited food is not a good start. The one time I went camping I brought so much food to get through it– I mean chocolate, sweets, pasta. I needed it!! haha!!
    And remembering prophecies would be hard as well— something, something destiny haha!!
    And I wouldn’t want to sneak up on evil people– I would definitely mess it up!!
    This was a really fun post and I enjoyed reading it!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Right?? Omg yes! Food is such a staple, I could never. I’ve never been camping, but that’s ICONIC ahah I love it 😂
      Exactly! Someone needs to record these things so I can play it back every time I forget haha.
      I’m so glad! 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  7. OH MY GOD WHY IS THIS SO RELATABLE 🙈 I would collapse after like one day without food, especially if I had to like,,, actually do physical activity. And let’s not even talk about my pain tolerance it is nonexistent. Same with my memory.

    Also making plans. How do they make these complex, successful plans with like zero time to prepare? Planning is hard.

    I’d like to think I could pick up fighting decently with actual training? But also I can’t even do basic, choreographed, pre-practised fake sword fighting, so probably not.

    I think the ONLY thing on here I might be good at some forms of is the spying? Not so much the staying silent and overhearing type of spying, but the whole going undercover and pretending you’re supposed to be there sort of spying? Acting skills could come in handy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Omg YES EXACTLY. I’m so weak. and listen, paper cuts are painful ok 😂😩
      SO TRUE! All these plans with so much forethought and strategy and I’m out here… like a potato.
      Training would probably help!! YOU NEVER KNOW maybe you secretly are a talented swordswoman??? 👀
      OOH that’s quite an asset yay!!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Bahaha oh my gosh. This post cracked me up. I would definitely die for exactly the same reasons, but especially because I have the worst memory and would never remember geographical locations much less prophecies or secret codes.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Ohhhh, I would SUFFER in a YA Fantasy world 😂 I think the only thing I have going for me is that I’m reasonably (???) fit (???) I think( ????) – but NO WAY would I survive with minimal/no food and water. I’m hungry every, like, two minutes. Also I’m terrible at stealth, memory, coordination, deception, motivation… basically everything you listed 😂 This is such a great post and full of truth 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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