Welcome, to my book blog!! I am Aline. I like food. A lot.

Do you know what YA fantasy protagonists often lack? FOOD. (And a ton of other things, but FOOOOOOOD)

I could just end this post right there, because me? Accomplishing anything without food? AS IF.

Fantasy protagonists always go above and beyond in their survival skills (which does makes sense in certain circumstances due to how they were raised, but that’s not the point!) and it just makes me laugh at my incompetence seeing these 16-17-18* year olds accomplish so much under such horrible conditions–and me just… not. 😂

Which is why I thought it would be fun to compare the skills of those YA fantasy protagonists which allow or help them survive with my lack thereof!!

Hence why I would most certainly fail in a fantasy book!!

LET’S ROAST… ME.

*Not getting into the whole YA protagonists acting way older than teenagers, especially in fantasy but ,,,,

Having the physical strength to TRAVEL SO MUCH (and fight.)

GUYS I’M WEAK. A month long of hiking, of walking dangerous paths, of traveling and traveling and traveling, with minimal food, supplies and rest…………. I wouldn’t last very long???

Having good hand-eye-foot coordination to fight

Some characters were trained from birth, others just seem to have this ability to just pick it up super easily, but me? I HAVE TWO LEFT FEET, and will most certainly trip over my own feet and throw things in the complete opposite direction (unintentionally) during a fight, okay.

I would be lucky to not end up accidentally murdering my ally

Remembering important prophecies after hearing them once

I forget my friend said HI 5 minutes ago, and here we have 15-lined prophecies full of riddles and fancy language being memorized in a couple of minutes? GIRL, BYE. (Also give me your skills for my next exam holy crap)

(Not gonna lie, this was 100% inspired by my read of the third book in the An Ember in the Ashes series lmao but this has happened SO OFTEN!!)

Spying on sketchy people/villains and discovering crucial information without getting caught

Okay, so none of you have been around me in real life but I AM THE LEAST STEALTHY PERSON EVER. If I tried to spy on you, YOU WOULD KNOW. And I would die!! (If you were the evil, murdering type. You know. Which you would be in a fantasy novel)

SO MANY TIMES the lives of fantasy characters are saved or plot is moved forwards by characters spying on evil people and hearing them reveal some sort of their plan or some secret of theirs!! I get this, narratively, but I have two questions:

A) HOW do you manage not to be heard?? (squeaky floorboards?? Breathing??? Trying to stealth-walk and still being super loud?? HELLO ARE YOU A GHOST)

B) How do you hear everything so freaking clearly??? MY HEARING SKILLS ARE… NOT GOOD. The villain could be talking all about their plans to have the princess as bait and I could hear that they want cake. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (IT COULD BE TRUE OK.)

Accidentally stumbling on important revelations

La la la, here I am, minding my own business AND WOW LOOK HERE IS MY ENEMY MONOLOGUING TO HIMSELF HOW NICE.

The plot is saved! I can go report to my rebel group and save everyone! Because of my excellent ability to ,,, sense an evil monologue? My ability to walk around at the right time?

Though, to be fair, if the evil villain were monologuing in the middle of the night and I was hungry and went to get food and had no intention of being a sneaky spy…. relate. Because of course the most use I would have is when I didn’t plan on doing anything sjhadjahdjh.

Frankly, I am just not quite as bloodthirsty or honourable to succeed.

All these characters have lost something or someone, or want something so badly they’re willing to sacrifice everything to get it. They have killed, or they will kill, to ensure it.

Me? I’m just your simple bookworm just looking to not die under my enormous TBR and willing to sacrifice a few souls for an immortality potion, no biggie. No similarities here. 😉

But, I do admire the passion YA characters have for their cause! Whether it be for their people, or their family or friends, or world domination or being filthy rich,,,, you do you, ya know?

I would just lose motivation the second I run out of food. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Pain + torture tolerance?? don’t know her

I AM A WEAKLING. I do not like pain (well, who does) and I will break wayyyyy too easily under torture, so y’all, I would not fare well in keeping my mouth shut I’M SORRY.

But maybe in terms of survival that would actually be an asset???

Who am I kidding, they’d probably torture me, get the answers, and then kill me for good measure cause they can. Whelp.

God, being a fantasy protagonist is STRESSFUL and so much work ajddhjshajsdhajhd let’s NOT.

Soooo, I’m not going to pretend here I have any of the skills and characters of the traditional YA fantasy protagonist?? If I don’t die from my lack of skills, *maybe* I could live through my strong sense of self-preservation–> that is, I run and flee and never do anything heroic ever. Oops.

See that’s why it’s a good thing I am NOT a fantasy protagonist lmao 😅

And let’s be real, as much as I would like to imagine otherwise, I would not have a Wren (Girls of Paper & Fire) or an Elias Veturius (An Ember in the Ashes) or a ANY fantasy warrior by my side either smh. 😭 I WOULD NEVER WIN WHY.

How would you fare in a fantasy world?? 😂 What are some other skills YA fantasy characters have that you may not have? (Or what are some hidden talents YOU have that most characters don’t?? 👀)